Grandad Sorts Out All of Britain's Problems

Featured in the June 2009 handbook.

With the huge number of MP’s fiddling (Allegedly) their expenses and with the absolutely obscene unearned bonuses being made to various bosses. This, along with the billions that we have chucked into the banking system, has left the British economy right in the cart. So as usual

the ordinary man in the street has somehow got to pay for all of this. Well Mr Brown and Mr Darling, beggar that for a game of soldiers. Grandad has come up with a cunning

plan to sort this mess out. It is to be called the Patriotic Retirement Plan. There are about 14 million people, aged 50 or more, in the work force. Pay each and every one of

them £1 million pounds. Not only that but every Pensioner also has to receive £1 million pounds.

These payments are to be made with the following stipulations.

1. They MUST retire immediately. This creates 14 million job openings. – Unemployment fixed.

2. All Pensioners MUST stop claiming the Pittance that the Government give them as a State Pension. - With £1 Million Pounds they don’t need it.

3. They MUST buy a new car that has been made in Britain. Millions of new cars ordered - British Car Industry back on track again.

4. They MUST buy a house or pay off their mortgage. – Housing problem sorted

5. They MUST send any teenage children or grandchildren they may have to College or University. - Juvenile petty crime through boredom sorted.

6. They MUST spend £50 every week on Tobacco or Alcohol. - This gives the Government all the money back in Taxes.

7. They MUST spend a total of £100 every week in local shops, be they High Street or corner shops. Plus, they must use a local Taxi to get to the shops – Local Economy

sorted out.

8. They MUST visit their local Pub at least once every week and spend a minimum of £5. Plus they must make a voluntary one off donation of £10 to the Pub landlord, to enable him to erect a decent and clean “Smoking Area”. – All the local Pubs are back up and running as they used to be.

That’s it Job done. With all the extra money that they will receive in Taxes plus all the money that they will save in not having to pay State Pensions. The Government get all

of the money back. All banks will be bursting at the seams with the extra monies being deposited, so they don’t have to be bailed out…AGAIN. With all the free time people will

now have, memberships of Clubs and Societies will rocket. Gardens will be transformed overnight. Properties will be renovated. Whole areas will be given a massive facelift. Even if some people can’t do the jobs themselves they

can now afford to pay others to do the work for them. Oh, one more thing, if any money is needed for local projects. Then every Member of Parliament has to pay back their expenses and fund them.


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