Grandad Says: You know you're old if!

Featured in the July 2008 handbook.

You think that Dot Com is the lady who used to have the sweet shop

Your joints are more accurate than the BBC Weather Service

Your back goes out more than you do.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size

You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before

It takes twice as long to look half as good

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

There's nothing left to learn the hard way

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio

You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then, find they've been on your head all the time

You start looking like your passport picture

Happy hour is a nap

You begin every other sentence with, "I remember when”

You are proud of your lawn mower

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it

It takes 10 minutes to find your car in the supermarket car park

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either

Your ears are hairier than your head

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions

You really enjoy hearing about other people's operations

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work

You know who Jimmy Shand is

You remember vending machines that dispensed glass bottles

You know what Pathe News is

You know what 45’s and 78’s are

You still have a half filled book of Green Shield Stamps in the drawer

Race problems meant that your horse fell in the Grand National

You remember Tide, Rinso and Omo

You remember when it took five minutes for the TV to warm up

You remember that you had to pull a piece of string through the letterbox to get your front door key

And finally, you remember a time that you didn’t have to speak to somebody in

Asia if you wanted to see your bank manager, or report a fault with your phone!!!

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