Grandad causes problems at Doctors

Featured in the December 2015 handbook.

Grandad had booked an appointment at the doctors surgery for a check up, following all the healthy problems he had been through lately. He arrived in plenty of time and sat waiting for his name to come up on the big electronic board, when it did he went into the Doctors surgery. "Well how have things been with you since I saw you last" asked the Doctor. "On the whole not too bad" replied Grandad "although I'm having a few problems when I go to the toilet, I seem to be going on a more regular basis now, especially in the mornings". The Doctor clicked on his computer screen looking at which medications that Grandad was now taking, then turned to look at Grandad and said "Roll your sleeve up and we'll check your blood pressure, Hmm, everything seems fine there, what time of the morning are you needing to go to the toilet"? "Well virtually every day I need to pee at around 7-30am and then an hour later I need to empty my bowels" said Grandad. "That's not so unusual for a man of your age, so what's the problem"? replied the Doctor. "Well it's a huge problem for me and a bigger one for my wife" "What do you mean" said the Doctor now looking very puzzled. "As I said, I pee around 7-30am and do a number 2 at around 8-30am, but the problem is I'm not waking up until 9-00am". The Doctor almost fell off his chair. "Well we can't have this, well firstly I will put you on a course of new tablets, which you must take as directed for the next 5 days, then once you have completed the course I need you to bring me a sample of your water and a stool sample". He gave Grandad a prescription and two plastic containers and told him to drop off the samples, clearly marked with his name and address, at the reception desk. Grandad thanked the Doctor and left the surgery and set off for home, after first calling in the Chemist to collect his prescription. After the 5 days were up Grandad called into the Doctors surgery and dropped off his package at the reception, he told the receptionist that the Doctor had told him to drop these off. The receptionist checked that he had labelled it correctly and took the package off Grandad, .but wondered why it was so large, but then thought to herself, well it must be what the Doctor asked for and thought no more about it. Later that day the phone rang and Grandad answered it to find it was the receptionist from the Doctors surgery "Can you explain exactly what is that you dropped off here this morning" asked the receptionist "the reason I ask is, your own Doctor has been called away and left a note for one of the surgery Nurses to do the tests on the items you have left, but she has no idea what exactly she is looking for, because she has 2 plastic containers filled with water, one has a label on it saying Drinking Water and the other has a label saying Non Drinking Water, then with all that there is a piece of wood. "Ah yes" said Grandad "Well the Doctor asked me to give a sample of my water, but we have a water softener system fitted in our bungalow, so I didn't know if he meant Drinking Water of the Softened Water we use for washing and bathing". At this the receptionist nearly blew a gasket. Grandad then continued "The Doctor also asked for a sample of one of my stools, but we haven't got any stools in our house so I chopped a bit off the back of one of the dining chairs". At this the receptionist screamed very loudly, then after a pause told Grandad to come straight down the surgery and they would sort it all out.

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