Grandad Buys a New Fridge

Featured in the March 2013 handbook.

Grandad had spent a fantastic two days alone at home because Nan had gone up to the Midlands to visit family, he had eaten what he liked, when he liked, he had gone out and bought a bottle of his favourite brandy, and on both nights he had got rather drunk and generally had a good time. Now the problem is, when Grandad has too much to drink he has to get up during the night to go to the toilet, and on both nights this had happened. When Nan got back she asked him if everything had been alright, “Perfect” he said “No problems at all, just one thing though, on both mornings when I woke up I found a pool of water all around the fridge and a lot of the food in there was soaking wet and smelling awful, so, on the first morning, I had to throw all of the food away, I switched the fridge off and cleaned the it right through with bleach, then switched it back on again to see if it leaked again, well after 6 hours there wasn’t a trace of water, so I went out and replaced all the food that had been wasted” “And has it been alright since” asked Nan. “Well it was fine all day and that night, but when I woke up next morning there was a pool of water again and all the food was again smelly and ruined, so I have treated you to a new fridge and got rid of the old one”. Nan walked into the kitchen to find a brand new fridge there. “Oh that looks lovely” said Nan “and especially now that the electrician we had round has put up the new lights for us in the kitchen, everything looks smashing” “Yes, he did a good job” said Grandad “and I really like what he has done with the toilet light”. “What do you mean, the toilet light” asked Nan “he didn’t do any work in the toilet” she said. “He must have done” said Grandad “because when you go into the toilet at night, as soon as you open the door, the light comes on, and when you close the door it goes off again automatically” “But he didn’t do any work in the toilet” Nan said again. “He must have done” insisted Grandad “you open the door the light goes on, you close the door the light goes off, On, Off, On, Off, it’s brilliant”. Nan felt faint, as she had a sudden realisation what had been happening. “Have you been drinking at all, over the past few days”? She asked Grandad. “Yes”, he replied. “and did you get a bit tipsy” again he replied “Yes” “Well you Daft Old Bat, do you know what you have been doing, do you” she shouted at him, “You have been peeing in the fridge, that’s where all the water came from, that’s why the food was smelling, and that’s why the light goes on and off, you are not safe to be left alone.

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