Grandad Discusses The Evils Of Drink

Featured in the September 2012 handbook.

Grandad was talking with his old friend Tommy about the problems they had both had over the years by getting drunk on the odd occasion and Tommy had told him about his worst experience. It had happened a good few years back when, one night, Tommy arrived home very much worse for wear to be met by his scowling wife who was definitely not happy, “Where the heck have you been until this time” she demanded to know. “At this fantastic new bar that has just opened” said Tommy “It’s called the Golden Saloon, everything there is Golden. It’s got huge Golden doors, a Golden floor, the bar counter is all Golden, it’s the works, even the urinals are Gold”. His wife doesn’t

believe one bit about this story but decides to do a bit of digging around to find out where Tommy had really been and what had really happened. After lots of phone calls around the area she finds that there is a place in town that has just been refurbished and renamed the Golden Saloon. Again, after lots of digging around she finds a telephone number for the place and calls the place up to check on her husband’s story. “Is this the Golden Saloon”? She asks the man who

answers the phone. “Yes, it is, I’m the new manager, how can I help you”? Came the reply. “Well my husband arrived home very late last night, really, really drunk and he said that everywhere and everything inside is Golden, is this right”? “Yes, that’s right, the whole decor is in Gold” replied the manager.

Starting to feel sorry that she disbelieved her husband, Tommy’s wife continued “ Do you have huge Golden doors”? “Yes we do” came the reply. “Do you have a Golden floor and a Golden bar counter”?

“We most certainly do” said the manager.

And finally, “Do you have Golden urinals in the toilets”? “I’m sorry” said the manager, “Do we have what”?. “Golden urinals in the toilets” said Tommy’s wife again. “Hang on a minute” said the manager, then she heard him shout out, “Ere Sid, I think we have found the bloke who peed into your saxophone last night” At that point she very quickly put the telephone down. She then turned to Tommy and warned him that he was never to go near the Golden Saloon again

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