Grandad Explains to Kieran about Progress
Featured in the May 2012 handbook.
With this Hose Pipe ban in place and a shortage of water young Kieran, Grandad’s 9 year old Grandson said “It’s a good job that Noah isn’t alive today, as he would be out of a job, because there isn’t any water to make a flood so his Ark couldn’t have floated” “Well” said Grandad, “that’s not the only problems he would have had, because if he did live nowadays he would not have been able to build his Ark”, “Why not” asked Kieran. “Well firstly he would have submitted plans and needed Building Regulations Approval and the Fire Safety Officer would insist on a Sprinkler System being installed. He would need Local Authority Planning Permission to build the Ark in his back garden, even if in his view it was a temporary structure. Then the Department of Transport would have to get involved and they would have to ask the Electricity Board to move power lines and any other overhead obstructions. Getting wood would also be a major problem because most of the trees have a preservation order on them. Then the RSPCA would have to get involved to make sure that all the animals had adequate accommodation and make sure it wasn’t too
restrictive and to check that all the animals weren't being kept in inhuman conditions. Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority would all have to conduct their own inspections and study’s to see what impact the proposed flood would have on the area. Then the Health and Safety Executive would be required to do a full test on all of the tools that were to be used and a Method Statement would have to be given to them for their approval on the exact way that the Ark was to be constructed. The Trade Unions would get involved and tell him that he couldn’t just use his own family as
construction workers but would have to use fully trained workmen and they would insist that he only employed workers with previous Ark building experience. Then, of course Customs & Excise and the UK Border Agency would have to get involved to make sure that everyone had a Passport and that none of the animals were an endangered species that were being taken out of the country illegally. Finally sea trials would have to be held to make sure that the Ark was sea worthy and Noah would have to get a signed piece of paper from all the different Local Authority and Government departments giving him permission to finally set sail” “Crikey” said Kieran “did Noah have to do all that when he did build his Ark all them years ago”? “No” said Grandad “we’ve moved on from then, it’s called progress”.