(G)Olden Times by Grandad
Featured in the January 2011 handbook.
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot
When you could win a few thousand with Littlewoods
Not millions with Camelot
We also had Vernon’s and Zetters, do you remember the Pools
And the X-Factor was something in a Maths lesson when we were at our Schools
Gay meant feeling happy and high was how you flew a kite
My wife and my mother were safe walking out at night.
Policemen were respected and gave out clips around the ear
Judges dealt out justice, not an ASBO for a year.
Grace Kelly, the film star, went off and married her Prince
And Eddie Fisher married Liz Taylor, but we’ve never seen him since.
We danced to Buddy Holly and cried when he was killed that day
We screamed and shouted at Elvis, then he too passed away.
We didn’t have Star Trek 5 or Harry Potter Six
Or Rocky and Rambo seventeen, when we went to the Flicks.
We never had a Rock Band that was Grateful to be dead
And Airplanes weren’t named Jefferson and Zeppelins were not Led
We’d never heard of Microwaves or Telephones in cars
And when we went out the Pubs were full, because you could still smoke in bars.
PC’s, Cursors, Bits and Bytes and all that other caper
And microchips were what was left in vinegar soaked newspaper.
So now we face a brave new world where everything seems taller
But the printing in our books seems a whole lot smaller
We stand in queues at many stores with customer service forgot
Some young thing says “Can I help”, and they couldn’t give a jot.
We tell our Children's Children of the happy times way back
Then we take them to McDonalds for something called a Big Mac
The cups they’re all cardboard the chips are now called fries
And instead of small and large we now have regular size.
But something that gets my goat and really drives me potty
We have a drink called Latte that was once called milky coffee
Metric is the way that most things now are bought
Because if they sell in pounds and ounces they could finish up in court.
I know we all must move on, things are changing all the time
But I really yearn for times gone by, is that really such a crime.