(G)Olden Times by Grandad

Featured in the January 2011 handbook.

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot

When you could win a few thousand with Littlewoods

Not millions with Camelot

We also had Vernon’s and Zetters, do you remember the Pools

And the X-Factor was something in a Maths lesson when we were at our Schools

Gay meant feeling happy and high was how you flew a kite

My wife and my mother were safe walking out at night.

Policemen were respected and gave out clips around the ear

Judges dealt out justice, not an ASBO for a year.

Grace Kelly, the film star, went off and married her Prince

And Eddie Fisher married Liz Taylor, but we’ve never seen him since.

We danced to Buddy Holly and cried when he was killed that day

We screamed and shouted at Elvis, then he too passed away.

We didn’t have Star Trek 5 or Harry Potter Six

Or Rocky and Rambo seventeen, when we went to the Flicks.

We never had a Rock Band that was Grateful to be dead

And Airplanes weren’t named Jefferson and Zeppelins were not Led

We’d never heard of Microwaves or Telephones in cars

And when we went out the Pubs were full, because you could still smoke in bars.

PC’s, Cursors, Bits and Bytes and all that other caper

And microchips were what was left in vinegar soaked newspaper.

So now we face a brave new world where everything seems taller

But the printing in our books seems a whole lot smaller

We stand in queues at many stores with customer service forgot

Some young thing says “Can I help”, and they couldn’t give a jot.

We tell our Children's Children of the happy times way back

Then we take them to McDonalds for something called a Big Mac

The cups they’re all cardboard the chips are now called fries

And instead of small and large we now have regular size.

But something that gets my goat and really drives me potty

We have a drink called Latte that was once called milky coffee

Metric is the way that most things now are bought

Because if they sell in pounds and ounces they could finish up in court.

I know we all must move on, things are changing all the time

But I really yearn for times gone by, is that really such a crime.

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