Grandad Outwits a Smart Lawyer

Featured in the December 2010 handbook.

Grandad was invited to visit his Sister who now lives in Florida, his Children and his Grandchildren had all clubbed together to buy his ticket for him to fly over there. When he arrived there his Sister and her family were waiting to greet him, the sun was shining and it was a very happy yet emotional time for everyone. Once all the kissing and handshaking was over they went out to the car for the drive to his Sisters house, which was in Kissimmee about 25 minutes from most of the Theme Parks. They arrived at a huge house, well everything in America seems so much bigger than back home, all the neighbours were standing outside the house, all waiting to meet up with Grandad, because his Sister had told them all about him. Again there was more kissing and handshaking and it seemed that every one in the street had turned out. Once they got Grandad’s luggage into the house, everyone went out into the back garden, but it was a back garden like

Grandad had never seen before. There was a pool and a hot-tub and the whole area was enclosed in a net like cover, this, Grandad found out later, was to keep all the biting insects out. In one corner one of the neighbours was cooking on a barbeque and everyone was making Grandad feel really welcome, well everyone except one smartly dressed young man who, it seemed, everyone was keeping away from. “Who is that”? Grandad asked his Sister. “Oh that’s Mr Daniels he lives 4 doors up, nobody likes him at all” whispered Grandad’s Sister. “He’s a lawyer and a no all and he thinks he’s better than anyone else” she went on. “Well why did you invite him” asked Grandad. “We didn’t, we never do, he just turns up”. The party continued and more people turned up as they got home from work, Grandad was sitting down when Mr Daniels came and sat next to him. “So you’re over from England then Old Timer” said Mr Daniels “went there once and couldn’t get on with the folks over there, I found them to be a bit slow and not very intelligent at all. “What is it that you do for a living” asked Grandad. Well he already knew the answer because his Sister had told him. “I am a Lawyer, the best in the area” said Mr Daniels, without a trace of modesty. “How do you pass your time back home” the Lawyer asked Grandad. “Well I take part in quizzes” “You like quizzes interrupted Mr Daniels before Grandad could say any more. “Yes” replied Grandad. “Well I take part in all the quizzes in the area and I’ve been the winner of every one for the last 3 years, nobody can beat me, so I’ve got a proposition for you” said Mr Daniels. “I’ll ask you a question and if you can’t answer it you give me $5 and I’m that confident that if you I ask me a question and I can’t answer it I’ll give you $500, how does that sound”? Grandad thought about what the lawyer had just said to him and said “So what you’re saying is if I can’t answer your question I give you $5 and if you can’t answer my question you give me $500, is that right”? “That’s exactly right” replied the lawyer. “I’ll go first” and he said to Grandad “How many different types of snakes are there in the USA”? Grandad thought for a while and finally admitted that he had no idea. “Right that’s 5 bucks you owe me hand it over” said the lawyer. By now most of the other partygoers had drifted over to hear what was going on. Grandad took out his wallet and handed over the $5. The crowd all groaned as the lawyer, with a big grin on his face took the $5 and put it into his pocket. “Right my turn” said Grandad “What goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4”? The lawyer thought long and hard and the crowd around them were all muttering and whispering to themselves. “What goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4” the lawyer repeated to himself over and over. Eventually after some 20 minutes he turned to Grandad and said “That’s the first time ever that I have ever not known the answer to a question, it’s really got me stumped” He took out his wallet and to save face, because by now everyone was standing watching and listening, counted out and handed over $500. “Thank you very much” said Grandad and he got up and walked over to get himself a drink. “Hey, Hey Hey” said the lawyer as he came chasing after Grandad. “What goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4”? The lawyer asked Grandad. Grandad turned around and faced him and very slowly brought out his wallet took out a $5 bill and handed it to the lawyer and said “I haven’t the faintest idea, here’s another $5. The whole crown burst into laughter and the red faced lawyer stormed out of the garden.

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