Grandad's Up to his Tricks Again
Featured in the October 2010 handbook.
Grandad was in the car with his Granddaughter Zoe, they had been to Lakeside Shopping for the day. They were driving back home along the Thanet Way when suddenly blue flashing lights appeared in Zoe’s rear view mirror. “Blimey” said Zoe “I think I was over the speed limit”. The policeman in the police car signalled for Zoe to pull over, which she did. “What shall I say”? Zoe asked Grandad, “Wait and see what he says” said Grandad. A very young
policeman walked up to the car window. Zoe said “Is there a problem officer”? “Yes” replied the policeman, “There is a problem, how fast do you think you were travelling, because I made it just about 85 mph, can I see your licence please” Then Grandad spoke up. “She hasn’t got one” said Grandad. Zoe stared at Grandad, because she had held a licence for over 6 years. “You see the problem is officer we have both been drinking heavily and because this young lady has had slightly less to drink than me we decided it was her that would drive, in fact she lost her licence last year for dangerous driving” The policeman was taken aback at this, “well can I see your registration documents for the vehicle” demanded the policeman. “No, I’m afraid you can’t” said Grandad, “because the car isn’t ours we’ve just stolen it”. Zoe wished the ground would open up and swallow her. “Now let me get this right” said the policeman, who by this time was feeling really smug, “you admit that you have been drinking, you admit that you have stolen this car, plus you were exceeding the speed limit” “That’s right” said Grandad, “but the only reason that we were speeding is because we have just stolen some money from a supermarket and we were trying to get home to hide the guns” The policeman very quickly got onto his radio and called for assistance. Within minutes a second police car turned up with sirens going and lights flashing. A sergeant got out of the second police car and the young policeman was almost jumping for joy as he related all that had happened. The sergeant with a very stern and somewhat apprehensive look on his face ordered both Grandad and Zoe to place their hands onto the dashboard where they could be seen, “You, young lady, stay in the car and you Sir get out of the car slowly, keeping your hands where I can see them” As Grandad got out of the car he was told to lie face down on the verge of the road. Zoe was in panic mode sitting bolt upright in the car, in tears, with her hands by now in handcuffs. “I think you had better open the boot to the car if you would sir” said the Sergeant. When the boot was opened all that was in it was a plastic carrier bag with a couple of small items in it. “I would now ask both of you to provide a breath test, which both Grandad and Zoe did, it of course came back completely clear.
“Can you tell me what exactly you two have been up to” said the sergeant to Grandad. “Yes, my Granddaughter Zoe had taken me out for a day at Lakeside Shopping Centre and we were on our way home” said Grandad. “But this young police officer has just told me that you have admitted that you have both just robbed a supermarket, that you were both armed and that you had both been drinking heavily, is that true”? “I bet the little liar also told you that we were speeding” said Grandad.