Grandad Tried for a Part-Time Job
Featured in the June 2010 handbook.
Grandad found that he had lots of time on his hands and was getting bored so he applied for a job at a large Supermarket (Who shall remain nameless, in case they try to sue me), as a trolley collector or shelf stacker. He went along for his interview and was asked to fill in one of the standard application forms. Shown below is the exact copy of
DESIRED POSITION: Company Chairman or Vice-Chairman, or whatever is available. If I was in a position to be choosy, I wouldn't be here applying in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: £500,000 per annum and a pay off the same as those people in charge of all the banks if I make a mess of things like they did. If thatís not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for Middle Management hostility.
LAST SALARY: A lot less than I was worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHEIVEMENT: Letting down the tyres on the Directors car After he had made 200 people redundant.
REASON FOR LEAVING: They found out about the above and I became number 201.
HOURS AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1-30pm-3-30pm Monday, Tuesday and Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: I can make a paper aeroplane with one hand.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one then I wouldnít be here.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL DISABILITIES THAT WOULD
PREVENT YOU FROM PICKING UP A 50lb SACK: A 50lb sack of what?
DO YOU OWN A CAR: I think a more appropriate question would be, do I own a car that runs.
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARD OR RECOGNITION: I may already be the winner of £50,000 with the Readers Digest as I was apparently the only person in my road to be selected according to a letter they sent me.
DO YOU SMOKE: On the job no, on my break yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN 5 YEARS FROM NOW:
Living in the Bahamas on a £50,000 per month company pension, topped up by a £20,000 per month state pension.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT ALL THE ANSWERS GIVEN ABOVE ARE TRUE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE: Yes, absolutely.
Alas Grandad is still waiting to hear if he was successful.