It's a dog's life for Grandad
Featured in the April 2010 handbook.
Grandad received a call from his Granddaughter Jade, she asked him if he would pick up a large box a dog biscuits for their female Husky, when he went to the shops. “Of course
I will” said Grandad, “Do you want any particular sort”? “No
anything will do, she seems to like anything” said Jade. “Righto, will do” said Grandad.
When he arrived at the supermarket he collected his trolley on off he went around the store. When he got to the pet food section he found that there were dozens of different types of dog biscuits so he picked up the biggest bag
available. He got to the checkouts and found the one with the shortest queue and waited for his turn. Behind him in the queue were two middle aged ladies who were talking quite loudly to each other, and making sure everyone else could hear them, discussing what other shoppers had in their trolley’s. Really putting people down because they had bought a lot of the cheaper lines, which would fit into their budgets, and had not bought some of the “Named” brands, in short they really were a couple of snobs. One of them tapped Grandad on the shoulder and enquired “got a dog have you”. Well what did she think I was
buying dog biscuits for, an elephant, thought Grandad. “No I haven’t actually” replied Grandad truthfully, then on impulse he said “I’m starting my dog biscuit diet again, I probably shouldn’t really because I ended up in hospital last time, although I lost 2 stones I finished up in intensive care with tubes and intravenous drips sticking in me”. The rest of the people, in the queue at the checkout, all had smirks on their faces. Grandad continued and told the two
ladies it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works was to load up your pockets with dog biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you felt hungry. The biscuits are nutritionally complete so it works very well and he was going to give it a go again. By this time everyone in the queue and the checkout operator were doing everything to stop themselves laughing. Horrified, one of the snooty ladies asked Grandad if he had ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned him. Grandad told her “No, what happened was I stepped off the curb to smell an Irish Setters backside and a car hit us both”. The whole queue erupted with laughter, Grandad thought one man was going to have a heart attack and as for the two snooty ladies, not another peep was heard from them.